Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Does one solution always lead to another problem?

As I was enjoying the days of not having to fetch my girl from friend's house in the middle of my cooking, I soon realised that it was not as simple as that.

I have another problem to deal with now.

She became tired after the play at friend's house. I shouted, I screamed, I nagged, I muted from talking to her.... when she refused to do her chores. At night before going to bed, she would apologize to me nicely, and as usual I accepted and tugged her to bed nicely too! She promised she would not do that again.

But, two days later, things seem to be back to normal again.

I shouted again, I screamed again .... things went round and round like a merry-go-round.

Finally, I decided to find quiet moment for both of us. I sat down with her. For once, I didn't scold her, I didn't raise my voice.

What I did was I tabulated her past one week agenda into a table. Monday to Sunday on Vertical axis. Her chores like Play, TV, Piano, Study, Bath .... on the Horizontal axis. She was quick enough to understand the table. She saw all the ticks on the "Play" and "TV" but none on the rest.

I asked her:

"Did mummy allow you to play? " {yes}

"Did mummy allow you to watch TV?" {yes}

"Did mummy listen to you, letting you play and watch TV as you want? {yes}

"Did you study Bahasa Melayu properly?" {no}

"Did you listen play piano properly?" {no}

"Did you listen to mummy?" {no}

Last 2 questions:

"If you don't listen to mummy, should mummy listen to you?" {.........}

"Do you want mummy to listen to you?" {yes}

In the old days when we were young especially coming from an Asian family, there was basically no room for negotiation as far as what our parents told us to do. We basically follow instruction. Otherwise, canning would be the next thing we would get. But today, parents have changed, the world has changed. Like it or not, the old dictatorship method is no longer workable with today's children.

Children have brilliant thinking and in-depth mind nowadays. I created the table for her to see herself as an outsider. I posted her questions to lead her to the problem. The rest of the equations will be done in their little mind. As the proverb says, where there is a will, there is a way. The WILL is the urge that makes our children move forward.

Since then, she has been very well behaved. At the end of every week, I rewarded her with 50 stars and a colourful certification I printed from my laptop if she has all ticks on her weekly table.

She was so proud of the certificate she received and she shared the good news with her dad that very evening she received the first certification. Actually, children has simple mind. They are very contented eventhough the rewards are just some stickers of their favourite cartoon characters.

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